Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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