How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
