Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
