I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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