Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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