i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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