You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fuck appropriateness.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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