I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
