1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
