I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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