I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dicks are not precious.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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