I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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