where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize