she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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