I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
