wrigley field is MILF paradise
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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