I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize