Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
