Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
