I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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