Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize