so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
