I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
