Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
