I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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