Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
