So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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