Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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