I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
