found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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