i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
