also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
