I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
