Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
