You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
