I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
