he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
