He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
