Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
