sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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