david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
