tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
