aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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