Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
