Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
