yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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