umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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