Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think i have herpe
just one?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize