omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize