fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
