I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
from now on my penis is your penis
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
