The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
