Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
