people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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