I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
