ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
