she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
