Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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