The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
