I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
