apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
