so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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