Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
