all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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