all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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