I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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