I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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