Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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