Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
