i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
