i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize