PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
