don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
