i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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