Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
