If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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