I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
