ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize