My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
