Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
