wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
