everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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