that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
