I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
