U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
not ubering you a puppy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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