Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
