Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
