I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
