he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
