i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
