Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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