Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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