Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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