i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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